Monday, July 31, 2006

Five Reasons 'Snakes on a Plane' Will Bomb

Unless you've been living under a rock, you may have heard that there's quite a buzz out there regarding the 'so bad it's good' movie, Snakes on a Plane, or SoaP for short. Entertainment Weekly, after weeks of spreading adoration for this underground hit (making even their mentions of Arrested Development look like a footnote), features Samuel L. Jackson and his crawly friends on the cover this week.

Everything points to an amazing success and boffo box office, right? Wrong.

To be fair, Entertainment Weekly does touch on some of these points, but let's spend a few more minutes looking at why rising expectations for this summer's underdog will ultimately make this movie fail.

5. Firefly
You remember the Brown Coats? Last year, Universal's supposed underground hit, Serenity, with it's loyal fan base of 'coats' was to become the underdog-that-could. Result: Slow box office, and Joss Whedon put his hands in the air and walked away.

4. Samuel L. Jackson Doesn't Open Movies
Sam Jackson does what, 20 movies a year? Remember, 'The Man'? Neither do I. Remember how memorable Jackson was killed off in the final Star Wars installment? Neither do I.

3. August Instead of October
August is where bad movies go to die, and, in this case, intentionally bad movies go to die. The summer box office hangover is hard to shake. Maybe they should have waited for more kids to be back in college.

2. The Movie Looks Dumb
I know, I know, that's the whole point. But how many times have you been lured into the movie theatre with the promise that the stupid, the absurd, the incredible, the emotional would really live up to your expectations, only to come out flat and overly-long? Too often. Just because it's bad, doesn't mean it's entertaining.

1. Peak Time
Nothing to do with the actual movie itself, but we've all been talking about this movie for it seems forever. Let's face it, the movie 'buzz' peaked way to early and the youngns who should be in the seats day one have already moved onto the next thing. Britney's practically had another kid already. Teenagers are fickle, they know when they are being marketed too - that Entertainment Weekly cover can't help you know.

If you look at myspace as an extension of the viral approach here, ONLY 545 users are friends of the MySpace Snakes on a Plane page. Maybe it's not the real thing, but shouldn't it be more popular, regardless?

The good news here is that if the movie was developed on the cheap, New Line Cinema should be able to recoup most of their costs here, maybe even turn a profit after DVD and pay-per-view receipts are totalled in. Of course, that depends on whether they've spent themselves into the poor house trying to make this viral thing Big.


At 10:44 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

For real-life stories of Snakes on Planes:


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